Hi there. Long time no talk. I've been busy… you know… globetrotting with my Dads.
I've got some advice for you parents out there. If you're thinking about taking a European trip with a small
child — don't. Seriously, don’t do
it. Don’t go unless you know
exactly what you’re getting yourself into.
SPOILER ALERT: It won’t be relaxing. It won’t be chill. It won’t
be about sleeping in, room service, spa treatments, gourmet restaurants,
hammocking, hot tubs, cocktails or romance. What it will be about is your
child. But here’s the kicker, seeing a trip through their eyes — instead of
yours — might even be more fun. Stop giving me the side eye and just hear me
out.
I get it. Sure, you'll have to endure a tedious ten-hour flight
being that parent who can’t control
his kid, nightmarish bouts of jet lag, seven straight days of erratic tantrums
and having to creatively answer constant “Why” questions? (Give us a break, kids are curious).
But I’m happy to report
the trip actually turned out
to be… wait for it… kind of amazing. Sure, I averaged eighteen minutes of
sleep each night, and yeah, I only ate Pringles, Oreos and milk for seven
straight days… but I got to spend quality time with my awesome Dads, experiencing
the culture of a beautiful foreign country — together. No distractions. No
looking down at their phones. No kissing me goodbye as they head off to work. We
went to bed together. We woke up together. We ate together (and I say “ate”
loosely). We lived in the moment and made lifelong memories.
And seeing as though this was my first trip abroad, I've learned quite a lot and so I’ve compiled a list of 10 traveling-with-tot tips designed to help you
navigate the wonderful and woeful realities of international travel. God
speed.
1. Board
the plane armed with a handful of Godiva chocolate bars to hand out to nearby,
would-be complainers. These delicious “apologies in advance” bars will prevent
eye-daggers of hate when Junior accidentally (or deliberately, in my case)
kicks the back of that old lady’s chair. Hey -- she was asking for it!
2. If
you want to stay happy, get app-y. (Eminem’s got nothing on me). Nowadays there
are so many great, kid-friendly apps to keep them occupied during long-distance
flights. That means your one allotted carry-on doesn’t have to be a toy box
filled with Matchbox cars and crayons that’ll undoubtedly get lost down the
side of seats. Let me know if you find my magenta!
3. What
child doesn’t love the novelty of travelling by train, bus, taxi and boat? Say
cheerio to rental cars and take advantage of public transportation wherever
possible. Max loved hopping on and off London’s iconic red double-decker buses.
And yes, I did mind the gap.
4. Don’t
forget to wipe. I mean don’t forget the
wipes. Even if your child is potty trained — congrats! — still bring plenty of
baby wipes. You’ll be amazed at how useful they are for keeping paws clean,
wiping down public toilet seats, restaurant tables, etc. While you’re at it, keep a small bottle
of hand sanitizer in your Daddy-bag. Trust me, some of those London parks can
get pretty dirty. Just ask George Michael.
5. Us kids think hotel beds are strange.
Before you leave home, pull up photos of the hotel online to show them
the type of room they’ll be sleeping in. This way, they’ll know what to expect
and there won’t be any surprises. My dads told me we’d be having a family
slumber party every night in our hotel room. It worked well... until I decided I’d rather watch six hours of Peppa Pig on my iPad.
6. Annie
Leibovitz first started taking photos at just three years old during family
vacations. Okay, I made that up, but you never know. So give your kid a
child-friendly camera and encourage him to document his journey. My Dads gave me a camera to keep me engaged and I had a blast snapping away, which included 387
shots of my feet, my thumb, and Papa’s nose hair.
7. Our
flight home was delayed three hours. That meant we didn’t land in Los Angeles
until 11pm. Worst yet, we didn’t get home until close to 1am. Unfortunately both of my Dads had to be
at work bright and early that same morning. D’oh! Learn from our mistake. For a
painless transition back home, schedule a day of vacation to recover from your
vacation. You’ll need it.
8. The
thought of crowded airport security lines and baggage claims can be daunting
with a small, impatient child like me. But you know what, it felt really nice going
through customs and immigration on both ends without any question about us
being a ‘family.’ It felt like the most normal thing in the world. That made
all the annoyingly long lines worth it. Well, almost.
9. New
destination, new disposition.
Sometimes it takes being in a new environment to get a fresh
perspective. During this trip, my Dad fell even more in love with my Papa. I don’t know
if it was seeing him warmly interact with his English family, proudly showing
me off to everyone, or noticing the little things, like when we sat down at a
restaurant, Papa would first figure out the menu items Dada would like to eat before
thinking about himself.
10. Last but
not least, temper expectations. My Dads were convinced a head of time that this
would be the week from hell. So their expectations were low — very, very low. This
worked in their favor. When you think it’s going to suck, and it turns out not to
suck — you’re already ahead.
So here I stand… a brave little warrior who made it through my first international
trip with my Dads… and somehow managed to stay alive... and smiling.
We did it! And you can too.
The Griswolds? They’ve got nothing on us.
