Things I overheard my Dads saying…

- “I wish I had Maxwell’s regularity.”

- “I love you more than Cookies n’ Cream ice cream.”

- “I’m gaining all this weight for a new role… at least that’s what I keep telling myself every time I reach for a See’s candy.”

- “I smelled poo. I felt poo. But then I changed him and there was nothing there. I think we have a self-cleaning baby.”

Love Maxwell

Mint Milanos to the Max!!!

Look -- I'm the cookie monster! 

My ridiculously cute hat is courtesy of my Dada and Papa's friends Mike and Russell. Thanks, guys!  
Love Maxwell

Maxwell's Christmas Wish

May Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer not be shot and killed by Sarah Palin.

Love Maxwell

Like Father Like Son

                                             Love Maxwell

Five Weeks And Going Strong...

The doc says I’m doing great. I’m up to 10 lb, 1 oz and I’m 22 inches long, which puts me in the 60^th percentile for weight and height.  She also said I was in the 100^th percentile of adorableness… well, that’s what I heard anyway. 

Happy Holidays from someone using environmental friendliness as an excuse for being too cheap and lazy to send a real card. I learned that from my Dads.

Love Maxwell

Maxwell’s Movie Minute…

Here’s what I thought of this season’s big Oscar contenders:

5 burps

2 1/2 burps

4 burps

2 poos

4 burps

4 1/2 burps

3 burps

2 1/2 burps

Love Maxwell

Nothing much to say...

Just wanted to show off my new photo.

Love Maxwell

3AM PLAY DATE...

In the wee hours of the morning, I taught my Dads a new game. It's called "how many times can I fill a diaper in the course of an hour?"  They didn't find it very amusing... especially when they ran out of baby wipes.

Love Maxwell

Overheard at the changing table last night...

I overheard Papa saying he would trade in his 5-Series Beemer for a Kia Sportage if it meant being able to pay for a night nurse.

To that I say, "sleep, schmeep — man up, fellas."

Love Maxwell

I made it into the trades — and my name's not even Suri...

Deep Thoughts with Maxwell

Waking up at 3am when you've got a baby, you feel like you drank a bottle of whiskey the night before, except the shit's in someone else's pants. 

Love Maxwell

Maxwell's advice to you this holiday season:

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.  

                                                                       Love Maxwell

Which one of these gentlemen is having a bad hair day?

Love Maxwell

Big plans this Saturday night...

Love Maxwell

Living in a material world. And I am a material boy.

Being a baby is like Kwanzaa every day of the year. Why Kwanzaa?  Because Christmas and Chanukah are so 2009... 

My Dada and Papa’s wonderful friends keep coming over, holding me, burping me (sorry about the spit up) and giving me big, elaborate presents. Not a bad way to spend a Saturday.

So, I extend my heartfelt thanks to all you gift-givers. And while you’re at it, my Dads wear a size 32x32 pant. Just sayin’.

Love Maxwell

P.S. Special shout out to Marla, Ebby and Alan for joining me for Saturday brunch — the formula was to die for.  

Slumdog Millionaire Baby

That's what my Dads called my diaper last night.

Love Maxwell

Maxwell’s Translator

• Eating my fingers means I’m hungry.

• Turning red means I’m about to scream at you.

• If I smell like crap, it means I crapped.

• If you put me on your chest with my head snuggled into your armpit and I squirm, it means Papa Al needs to invest in some deodorant.

• If you think I sweated through my swaddle, I probably peed.

Just sayin…

Love Maxwell

P.S. I’d like to officially welcome my wonderful nanny, Rosie, to team Maxwell.

Go Rubber Duck Yourself...

Take a look at the family-friendly G-rated version of my first bath. I didn't shed one tear, but I did make my own jacuzzi bubbles (if you catch my drift).

Love Maxwell

MY FIRST SMILE...

...or maybe I was just pooping.

Love Maxwell

TGIF (Thank God It’s Formula)

Today was a good day. First, I got to meet my Great Aunt Jackie and my Great Uncle Martin who were visiting from London.  They brought me some great presents from their home town, which sadly didn’t include any crumpets.  Is there no justice in the world?

Then Dada Dave’s friend Kris sent us the coolest gift ever:  The Radiohead (the raddest band on the planet) Lullaby Collection.  The baby version of Karma Police is off the chain — put me right to sleep (as evidenced by this photo). 

And now I’m just chillin’ with my Dads. The perfect end to week two out of the womb.

Love Maxwell 

LAST NIGHT I SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!

Psych!


Love Maxwell

Nobody puts baby in the corner…

Unless, of course, he keeps you up all night.

Say hello to my Dads (it's time they made their official blog debut):

For the two of you that are keeping track…

I got weighed again today and I’m up to 8 pounds.  Do you know that the human head weighs 8 pounds? 

Happy hump day!

Love Maxwell

Drum roll please… IT’S AN OUTY!

Well, it finally happened. I lost my umbilical cord stump. No, seriously, I literally lost it. It was on me when my Dads changed me this morning and then it suddenly disappeared.  You know what that means — tummy time can officially commence!  

I also stopped by my pediatrician this morning and, I’m happy to say, everything is looking great. I’m back to my birthweight of 7 lbs, 14 oz.  Dr. also said that my circumcision is healing perfectly (hear that, ladies!)

Love Maxwell

Footsies, Pajamas and Onesies, Oh My

My Dads close friends Greta and Matt stopped by to meet me today. But they didn’t come empty handed. They brought me a ton of clothes that their son Jonah quickly grew out of. And now I have a big enough wardrobe to open up my own department store. Now what should I call it?  “Maxwell’s” has a nice ring to it, eh?

Then, I got to meet my big cousins Sam and Maisie. They kept asking me when I’m going to walk and talk. It got annoying so I burped in their face. Now we’re the best of friends. Gas… bringing people together. 

Love Maxwell

I'm Destined for Greatness...

Okay, it's time for a bit of self promotion. Check out some of my Birthmom Carissa's AMAZING photography.  You combine her artistic skills with my Dads' copywriting/screenwriting/film producing prowess — and I'm sure to be one creative mo-fo!

Love Maxwell

No more TJ MAXX for MAX

For all you friends of Dada and Papa’s — the bar has just been raised.  Chad and his son Colin just came over (who I wasn’t allowed to play with because I’m not allowed to be near big boy germs for a few more weeks.) Anyway, they dropped off a ton of groceries for my Dads and a whole year’s worth of designer duds for me.  That means Dada (Dave) can stop going to TJ Maxx on his lunch break getting me last year’s styles for less. From now on, I only wear the best. Two words: Ralph Lauren. Can I get an Amen! 

In other news, today I went to the Physical Therapist to learn special exercises to rotate my head. Claudia was very gentle with me… and she smelled good too. I wonder if she’s into younger guys?  See, when I was in my mom’s tummy, I stayed in one position — that means I must learn to stretch the other directions so I never have to wear one of those helmet thingies.  Not that I’m judging those helmet babies… we’re all God’s children. 

Love Maxwell

QUESTION OF THE DAY: Which of these Cryers was up until 4am?

Thankful (for my swaddle)

Today is my first Thanksgiving and I’m pretty sure I have a lot to be thankful for.  For starters, I’m thankful for being healthy and adorable (face it, not all babies are as angelic as I am).  I’m also thankful to my Muga and Papsi (Papa Alex’s parents) for bringing over a delicious meal that I’m only allowed to smell.  Most of all, I’m thankful that my Dads will have many days of leftovers — because I’ve been keeping them too preoccupied to cook.

Gobble, gobble.

Love Maxwell

Baby Got Back...

Okay, so my Dads have a new nickname for me — wait for it — Sir-Poops-A-Lot.  And yesterday, they were calling me a Baby Burrito on account of my swaddle. 

Today was the first day I looked out of the window. Since my range of vision is only eight inches, I was a bit let down by the view. A pane of glass is only so exciting.

My Dads have been in a very good mood today, which I think has something to do with the fact that their nice friends, Greta and Matt sent over a box of freshly baked cookies and whole milk. I can’t wait for the day I can partake in such culinary delights. 

And as you’ll see by this photo, today I clocked in a little bit of tummy time.  My pediatrician says I should be on my tummy for an hour a day so I can get big and strong like my Dads.  Though, I haven’t seen them at the gym lately.

Love Maxwell

Over the hill baby…

No, not because I live in the Valley, but because today I celebrate by 5^th day on this here earth.  And so far, it’s pretty darn amazing. A guy can get use to this eating, sleeping, pooping thing. Call me lazy, but being wiped is underrated.

Here’s a breakdown of the last five days:

Thursday, November 18, 2010:

I arrived in the morning weighing 7 pounds and 14 oz. I was measured at 21 inches.  Then, I spent some much needed quality time with my birthparents, Carissa and Jayson.  The hospital I was born at doesn’t have a nursery (imagine that), so I kept by birthparents up all night long — but they didn’t mind.  I overheard them saying how cute I was.   

Friday, November 19, 2010:

Today I had some visitors. All really nice people, but I gotta say, it’s a bit embarrassing having so many people handle my poo.  I’m shy like that. 

Saturday, November 20, 2010:

Today I met my two Dads, Dave and Alex.  Dada Dave can use a haircut, but other than that --- they are good people. And they clearly love me.  How do I know? Cause they won’t stop saying it. 

Big shout out to my birth grandpop who took the highly coveted night shift with me. Nobody does diaper duty like you, Pops.

Sunday, November 20, 2010:

Today is the day I went home with my two Dads to our house in Studio City, CA. Papa Alex drives like a grandmother (but it makes sense considering the important cargo in the backseat).

I like my new house...  it’s a bit larger than my mom’s womb… but not quite as warm.  My bedroom is green, brown and yellow.  The colors of my bathroom business (just kidding).  Yellow is my birthmom’s favorite color and so I asked for that specifically. 

Monday, November 21, 2010:

Holy Moley… what a day.  First off, I just wanted to thank my Dads for staying up with me last night.  And let it be known, of all the ways you tried to get me to sleep, watching the Three’s Company marathon was my favorite. Can’t get enough of that Mr. Furley.  What a character.

I had my first appointment with my new pediatrician. And she was very gentle with me. She said I looked like a little doll.  I told her that my birthmother collects dolls. Overall, she gave me a clean bill of health and told my Dads to up my feeding amounts. A boy’s gotta eat!

This evening, we had some visitors. I met my aunt Tash, Papa Alex’s sister who sounds just like Mary Poppins and looks just like Kate Beckinsale.  She’s a natural with me because she’s got two kiddies of her own. I also got to meet my new grandparents John and Linda. They look just like Papa Alex.  But their British accents are way more impressive. 

Also, quick thank you to everyone who’s been washing their hands with Purell. The stuff smells great. (My Dads made me say that — they're hoping to get some free samples from plugging the product.)  

Dada Dave had the first night shift from 9:30pm to 1:30am and then Papa Alex jumped in from 1:30am to 5:00am.

Tuesday, November 22, 2010:

This morning I went back to see my pediatrician and guess what —the extra feeding worked! I gained a few oz. I’m just one or two burps away from my goal birth weight.  


Love Maxwell

Peace out, womb!

Well, here I am. The name is Maxwell. But my friends call me Max.  I was born on Thursday, November 18th at 8:24 am.  I clocked in at 7 lbs 14 oz.

First things first, I owe my birthparents Carissa and Jayson a big round of applause for taking such good care of me while I was chillin' in, how should I say, a warm tummy. I would not be here if it weren't for them... and nor would you be reading this blog.

Also, a quick shout out to all of Carissa and Jayson's family who stocked me up with some real snazzy threads and other really special keepsakes.  Let's just say I'll be the most stylin' baby in the 818. Of those gifts, the ones from mom mean the most and I'll treasure them always.

And for the two dudes with the bags under their eyes (Dave and Alex), I'm going to continue sleeping during the day and waking your asses up all night.  Why? Because I can.  By the way, great accent, Papa Alex.  Oh, and Dada Dave, please stop with the Whitney Houston songs already.  I get it. She's a good singer. But you're not her. I much prefer when you sing me Radiohead. Anything from Ok Computer.

I'm signing off for tonight --- but please stay tuned. I'm going to be making many appearances on this very blog. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Love,
Maxwell